Sitting around the conference room today waiting for IBM to call a group of us men folk were discussing our wives and how they were acting in the last few weeks of the pregnancy. One guy talking about having to rub his wife’s swollen legs, me re-telling the tale of Jodi waking up with the cramp in her calf. This of course, spawns a conversation on how things should be.
Human pregnancy should be just like a bird’s. The female bird goes out, grabs some sticks and twine, and makes a nest. When the nest is all comfortable and secure she jumps in and lays her egg. The mom bird nudges her man bird pointing to the egg and nest and says, “I did all the real work, now go fertilize it and do your part!”
The man bird, grabs a Playrooster magazine and goes into the corner to do his deed all over the egg, of course he is not thinking of wife bird, he is thinking of Megan Fox Bird. A few minutes later, the egg having been fertilized the mom bird wraps the egg in a heating blanket and sets it to the ideal temperature. Every 8-10 hours the mom bird sits on the egg to make it feel loved, rotates the egg, makes sure the nest is kosher and this carries on for 9 months. Suddenly, the egg starts to turn some strange colors and the mom and dad bird hears some cracking. With a little help, the baby is born, and mom and dad go about raising it.
Why can’t it be like that? Aaaah no way..that wouldn’t work because men couldn’t be so lucky. Because mom bird has to CARRY THE EGG with her everywhere she goes, we have to then suffer from the complaints…..being a human sucks…I think I would rather be a bird, except, I think if it worked like that, the mom bird would be laying multiple eggs all around the house and I would have 10-20 kids.