I call these the normal days. The days when Eli is not flapping his hands, or crying for nothing. I wish I knew how to capture these moments so I can repeat them. Today, Eli came up to me and gave me a hug and said he loved me. I never had to tell him to do something, he simply did everything right. I loved it. Tomorrow…might be a total reversal but I will take this day and just embrace it for what it was. A great day for Eli.

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Thanks
Bernard

Eli pelting me and my expensive camera with a snowball

When I say fixate I mean they kid does not alter from a subject until a new subject catches his interest. When I get home from work I am presented with Eli coming to me asking me to pick a number, or a color which is translated into me selecting whatever he is fixated on. Tonight it was powers associated with the characters from Super Mario characters. I was bombarded with a re-telling of the entire Mario World, with such minute details that I could swear he has been studying Mario for a decade and did a college thesis on the subject.

Now I am sure that the reason for this is the Aspergers Syndrome and his superior intellect. He has a photographic memory and anything he sees becomes  locked in his mind for eternity. He reads the story line and instantly knows every stat, every fact and every hidden part of the entire  universe. It would be nice to see Eli focus this talent on something more important than video games, Pokemon or Scooby Doo enemies. Unfortunately the normal things tend to bore him. Although if you asked him anything about space, the planets, the universe or animals he would school you. I just wish he could avoid internalizing all of it and have a normal conversation.

When your child melts you have to analyze the cause at a moments notice. There are going to be situations where grabbing them and hugging them is going to be the best thing and probably the only thing that is going to help them, but in other scenarios it is an over-reaction that needs to be curbed.

An example was something simple today. Eli was using a very decorative pencil as a magic wand and when he misplaced it he melted big time. The solution was simple, I gave him two other options for use as the magic wand, of course neither sufficed. At this point I told him he was over-reacting and that he need to adjust to the situation in a better way. He cried. I ignored the situation and said he had options and that melting was just not acceptable.

It took him awhile but he ended up acknowledging that he was acting poorly and promised to try to not do it again. I think that is a good start.

It took me awhile to consider having a third child, but I caved in and it didn’t take long before Jodi told me she had a bun in the oven. Our thoughts went to the desire of having a little girl to go along with the two boys. Last night, while I was sick in my bed throwing up non-stop Jodi went to the doc with the boys and her dad and found out that we are in fact having a little girl.

Now the worry pops up. I know how to take care of boys. I know how to change them, play with them, rough house with them. What the hell do I do with a little girl? How do you play with a little girl? Tea parties? Princess stuff…oh come on. I have no training in this!

Eli’s looked at her, asked her what her name was and said, “I had a blast playing in the snow. I built a slide of snow with my next door neighbors and we took turns trying to ride the slide all the way to the bottom of the hill. It rocked”

At this I did a double take, not only did he socialize with kids he didn’t know, but he spoke like a cool kid. Totally normal behavior and very appropriate. I was  very proud of him, so being the dad I am I called out, Hey Eli…I love you, have a great day.

He turned, rolled his eyes at me and shook his head. I am the uncool dad who just said something uncool in front of the cute girls. DOH!

I have been weighting the pro and cons about telling Eli he was diagnosed with PDD-NOS but feared that he was not yet mature enough to understand. Lately he has been hinting to me that he knows he is a bit different and has engaged in conversation about how his classmates treat him like he is an odd-ball. My first thought was that kids can be mean and wondered if it was just normal behavior for kids to have their little friendship groups or if it was the Aspergers Syndrome causing the problem.

Then I thought about it, Eli does not have many play dates with his “friends” at school. Why is that? Do other kids hang out with their friends at age 7? Eli goes to his friend next door often, and actually engages with us to ask permission, but I would love to see him running around outside more, playing with his friends and having fun. Instead, Eli finds his comfort in the computer, his collection of cards and his brother.

There have been a few times I wanted to sit him down and tell him he has Aspergers. I question if he can handle the diagnosis and if it will depress him. Part of me wants to let him know so he can fight the internal struggle to push comfort level so he can learn to adjust better.

I am not sure I know the answer, but I do know this. It gets harder as they age. Eli is 1.5 million times “better” then he was years ago, but he still has Aspergers. He has to be told. Maybe this is the year.

I suffered with this myself. But my LOVE for my child won the day. I figured it this way. Nothing bad can come of Eli getting the kind of support the specialists, educators and therapists said my child needed. Even though at first I rejected the diagnosis, the support was only going to improve my boys life. He will be better socially, better academically and more responsible.  I figured, how could that hurt?

Deep inside I knew there were issues. I just was being a dad. My kid is normal, my kid is perfect, and my kid does not need help. Once he started getting the help I didn’t expect to see the instant results which just reinforced the diagnosis. MY KID IS PERFECT, but he has Aspergers, originally diagnosed as PDD-NOS. That diagnosis does not make him less perfect, it makes him just need more love from me, his DAD.

To the father who is not accepting of the diagnosis. Continue to deny it in your head but give your son the therapy he needs. It will not hurt him, there is no social stigma about getting help, none of the other kids understand what is going on, and your child will grow and improve in the areas he is struggling with. This is a no brainer. If you love you kid, you provide the best of everything for them no matter what. You take your kids to the doctor when they don’t have a fever, You take them to the dentist even if they don’t have a cavity. You take your PDD-NOS child to therapy so when he is 16 he interacts, socializes, learns and becomes a man. If you deny him services you risk his ability to have an independent life. Whether you think he has a problem or not, is it worth that risk? Suck it up, swallow your pride and get your child help. There are only positives that result from it.

Any father can call me.  Any dad can write me, and any dad can cry openly me over their child diagnosis. There is no shame, no judgement, no laughing. OUR KIDS DESERVE THE BEST CHANCE AT A POSITIVE LIFE. That is all you need to gain out of this. Give the kid the chance to have a life by getting help at an early age.