Comments for Raising Eli & Zachary

Comment on PDD-NOS Parents by Bernard

Bernard — Sun, 06 May 2012 03:51:54 +0000

That is a great question, but before I offer my opinion I will say this: I do not believe that there is anything anyone can do differently during the pregnancy that will result in a person having a PDD-NOS child. If you didn’t smoke, do drugs or drink then I think you were fine, if you did those things, then you put your child at risk. Nobody knows yet what causes PDD-NOS or Autism. For all we know it could be some ingredient in shampoo or a type of candy. Nobody knows if it comes from the dad or the mom or a crazy combination. So in other words, never blame yourself. I don’t blame my wife, and I don’t blame myself and I wouldn’t want Eli any other way because it is his entire package that I adore as a dad.

On the discipline side of the fence. This is hard because most PDD-NOS kids are ultra sensitive and they might NOT have control over all of their actions. Discipline must change forms to something positive and nurturing like 75% of the time. I tend to yell at Eli when he does something bad that I feel he can control. I will not baby him because if I do, he acts like a baby. The bottom line is that there are going to be situations where you have to be firm, others where you have to be gentle but you always have to explain why. You are a parent, and you know instinctively when you have to be fierce and when you have to be subtle. Just because they are PDD-NOS does not give them a free ride from punishment.

For Eli, when I have to discipline him he feels that I don’t love him anymore. I explain the difference between being mad and disappointed. I tell him that no matter what I will always love him, but that does not mean I have to like the way he is acting or that I am not allowed to be mad at him…he only cares that I still love him. So I start off saying, I love you Eli, but if you ever do that garbage again I will ground you and explain why, followed up that I am disappointed in the choice he made. That usually corrects everything.

Comment on PDD-NOS Parents by Nicole

Nicole — Sat, 05 May 2012 21:38:32 +0000

My son was diagnosed at 2years and 3months old with PDd-nos and as a young mother of 3 I was very scared and really didn’t know what to do. I looked up information on it on the Internet and I’m always reading up on it in books as well. I wondered were my twins going to be this way? Did I do something wrong with him while carrying him? I followed all the steps I was suppose to and he hit every milestone until it was time to start talking. I was also mad due to the fact I felt like something was wrong and his pediatrician kept saying he just needs time and I could have been gave my son help! Nevertheless I am seeking help to enroll him back into therapy as well as my twins because they seem to be developmentally delayed in a few areas and it’s making wonder if my last born will be this way. I am so scared at the moment but imtrying to keep an positive outlook on things now. My baby is different yet he is so lovable most of the time but I need to know what are some ways to discipline him without everyone making it seem like I’m abusing him?

Comment on PDD-NOS Parents by Bernard

Bernard — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 11:58:57 +0000

It will become easier to accept. The diagnosis is a good one because it opens doors for him. You will have to fight to get him all of the services you can. If they offer you five services, ask for seven. If they give you 3 days a week, demand 5. Eli still suffers from a lot of the PDD-NOS issues but he is a completely functional and happy child. He is MORE social than most kids even in the face of being denied by less social kids. He is polite, well mannered and smarter than 99% of the kids out there. Why? Because Jodi and I made sure that he had everything he needed and then asked for more. Don’t be afraid, sad or scared. Matthew will overcome everything and he will have a great life, all it takes is your continued dedication to him and some help (which I am happy to read he is receiving). A lot of parents see PDD-NOS as a death sentence for their kids. It is not, in fact it is a license of learning. A PDD-NOS kid just learns differently. When you find the trigger that opens him up a new child will emerge. Good luck. Feel free to drop me an email if you have questions!

Comment on PDD-NOS Parents by Carol

Carol — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 03:20:55 +0000

Hi my 8 year old son Matthew was just diagnosed PDD-NOS Monday. It is really not a surprise, we have considered it from time to time. He has had services for SPD since he was 18 months. He has had many services over the years and when he was five he was also given the diagnosis ADHD. I know that all these years we have done everything we could for him and loved him to pieces – none of that changes. I know that he is the same boy he was Monday morning. The school team is so supportive. Yet it is still hard to wrap my head around. Tonight I find it a little sad/scary.

Comment on Spanking your Kids by tommy riles

tommy riles — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 13:18:32 +0000

I love the tip about “3 Minutes of Time out for a 3 year old,” etc. Our oldest is two, and we just had to start implementing timeouts.

Comment on PDD-NOS Parents by Bernard

Bernard — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 14:58:38 +0000

I can’t answer your question, the physical slapping is a learned behavior. There are better ways, it takes a calm approach. You have to verbalize the disappointment and take charge of the situation. He does not sit in timeout? Every single time he gets up and runs, I would pick him up, put him back in his timeout spot and restart the clock. He gets up again, you put him back again. Stick to your guns. Using a calming voice and explain without sounding angry why the behavior is inappropriate. No toys, no sweet talk, nothing but him in his spot for # of minutes that he is old. 3? 3 minutes, not a second sooner, not a second longer followed by asking him and making him explain WHY he is in timeout. When all finished a hug and a kiss.

A lot of spectrum kids have issues with noise, especially if it is loud. Try putting on his favorite music (Laurie Berkner etc) and see if he tolerates it better. He is the kid, you are the adult. Guess what – kids don’t win the battles, the parents do.

Comment on PDD-NOS Parents by Katie

Katie — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 14:22:31 +0000

P.S- Luke wont sit in time out. He runs off and it turns into a power struggle…an exhausting one.

Comment on PDD-NOS Parents by Katie

Katie — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 14:19:12 +0000

Thank you for your response. I will refer your reply to my mom who definately needs the reminder. How do you handle meltdowns and slaps in the face (which usually occurs when Im either saying no or telling him not to behave that way) when we are in public? He also slaps his teachers in the face. If he is on the spectrum, how do you handle that? One more thing- consider again, that he is on the spectrum, could you please explain my son Luke’s reasoning for this: Although he likes music on tv, when we get in the car and the radio is on, the first thing he says is ‘turn it off’! What’s up with that? He is running the show at our house and we need some suggestions. Thank you so much!

Comment on PDD-NOS Parents by Bernard

Bernard — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 05:42:21 +0000

There are a million things that can be going on here.Most of the spanking will never solve. I am not going to lecture on the pro and con of spanking but I will say this. Meeting bad behavior with spanking provides negative attention that can cause kids to lash out more. In my opinion there are better ways to handle the situation. Spanking is just not an option, ESPECIALLY if your child is on spectrum no matter how high functioning they are.

Kids can definitely play their parents. I would strongly suggest you evaluate your approach with your child and realize that there is a right and wrong way to deal with kids. I would also seek a second opinion and get a child psychologist involved that deals with autism and see what they say about his behavior.

Comment on PDD-NOS Parents by Katie

Katie — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 03:15:52 +0000

My son just turned three and since the age of eighteen months, I have known something just wasnt quite right. Early on his peditrician assured me he was fine and insisted things would be more normal by the age of 3. 4 months before his birthday, our pediatrician moved away. He has always been very high maintenance. He slept very little as a baby and always seemed to be on the go. Professional pictures were a nightmare as were our trips to resteraunts and the grocery store. Compared to other kids, he is socially akward and his fits are the worst I have ever seen. But there are several characteristics he never has exhibited. There’s never been ANY arm flapping, starring off, poor eye contact, walking on toes, rituals or lack of joy. He is very affectionate, talks well, and loves to cuddle and play imaginary things. While he adores babies and playing with his ten year old brother, he doesnt express much interest in kids his own age. But, around babies, he immediatly lowers his voice and loves on them. A year ago, he was acessed for autism by early intervention, and his score was low and not a concern to them. At that time, he showed out with his knowledge of alphabet, numbers and shapes. But im having him evaluated by a neurologist in April because he has recently become very aggressive for no reason. Meanwhile, I know he does better for some people and cooperates better for them than me. He acted like we were trying to kill him when i take him to get a hair cut, but sits still when my girlfriend takes him. Day care (we sont have a special needs one in our small town) calls me at least once a week to get him- sometimes while I am at work. Could it be that he is just ‘playing’ me and knows better all along? My mom thinks I should spank him more often than I do but I dont know if he can help it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!