Raising Eli & Zachary

It is funny the generation gap between people in my age group and their parents. Back when I was growing up my parents used to hand down physical punishments and even chase us kids around the house with a belt. It was normal, and completely acceptable to spank and smack your kids around. Now the day has changed and if you smack your kids it borders on physical abuse.

So what is a parent to do when a spanking is deserved? The answer is simple: Sit the kid in timeout. Start the clock. If the kid is 3, he gets 3 minutes, 5, five minutes. At the end of the timeout you have to explain to the child why they are in trouble and make sure they understand. This is usually done by having child verbalize the reason to YOU and then you re-enforcing the lesson.

Spanking is not an answer. There is just nothing positive gained except teaching the kids that violence is acceptable as a punishment. It might make the parent feel “good” for a second out of frustration but think about how sick that statement is.

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

I put Eli to bed the other day and when he woke up he was no longer a little boy. He woke up to being a kid. A tall, lean socially active kid who still loves his dad but hugs and kisses are few and far between. He says things like, “Awesome” and “Wouldn’t it be cool” and “Wicked”. The days when I used to scoop him up and carry him into his room and fling him on his bed are long gone, now if I tried I would probably hurt him and most definitely throw out my back.

I turned off the lights and when the sun came up, he was no longer my little boy. He was a young man: At six!

I have to admit I sit here with a tear in my eye thinking about all the cool things that he has given me, and how soon he will be asking for the keys to the car and for money to take girls on dates. I no longer wonder how he will turn out. The PDD NOS/Aspergers (call it whatever you want) is still in him, but he has better control, although there are times when he is being creative in his own head (stimming) and I want to drop kick him across the room. It is funny, to all the parents out there with a special needs kid, the best way to control the stims is actually through threats of torture. Actually it is more like extra love that they find disgusting. For Eli, I threaten to lick his eyeball, a trait that has been with my family for decades. Eli hates when I lick his eyeball (well I never actually lick the eyeball for fear of hurting him) but the eyelid area…fair game. So when he flails his arms and starts stimming, I chase him down (he laughs), I plop on him and lick his eyelid. Gross I know, but he laughs while he flights his way free then yells at me. Guess what. It stops the stims.

Anyway, I am off subject. Parents, don’t turn off the lights. When you do, your kid goes through this crazy Star Trek time warp and they wake up older, more mature, more distant. I remember when dropping him off at school I used to get a hug and a kiss, now I get a Daaaad….your embarrassing me. Damn lights…I want my kid back.

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

Eli is going to sit in front of judge and jury tonight at Horowitz Family court tonight. The charge : Not listening, not following directions, failure to do his homework at the right time, making daddy late for work and maybe having a count or two of having a bad attitude.

I will let you know how it turns out and the methods we used. Eli is nervous and that is the best part, he will think about it all day and hopefully realize that making the wrong choices has consequences. This should be interesting.

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

So I am sitting here at my desk listening to Zachary scream because he wants his mommy or daddy. He does not like the idea that he is in his room and has a gate blocking his escape. The battle for him learning how to self sooth himself and go to sleep like a big boy begins. What we did differently this time:

1) Let him stay up a bit later than normal
2) Read him a story while he was laying in his big boy bed.
3) Gave him some hugs and talked to him a bit telling him what was going to happen and how he needed to go to sleep like a big boy
4) Gave him a kiss goodnight and told him I loved him and we would see him in the morning
5) Closed the gate but left his door open
6) Turned out the light, told him I loved him and that I will see him in the morning

Now he has had a few tantrums, called for help a bunch of times and then became quiet. My first instinct was to run in his room and check on him but I held my my ground. He erupted in a few more short lived crying fits and now he is quiet. In a bit, I will peak in to make sure he is ok, but I hope to find him: Sleeping on the floor, sleeping in his rocking chair, or best yet, sleeping in his bed.

The battle is going to begin in about 3 hours when he wakes up and goes through it all over again. Hopefully he will be a quick study and it won’t break our hearts. Jodi is already miserable.

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

We have had a lot of issues with Zachary and his sleep habits. What started out as simple mistakes have manifested into giant problems that are becoming impossible to solve. Zachary will not go to sleep unless either Jodi or I are in the room. Usually it is a tantrum of him yelling chair and until we sit down he won’t go to sleep, but this has evolved into him waking up almost religiously at 12:30am and at around 3am screaming for us. He does not have the ability to self sooth.

At first we figured maybe it was just time to convert him to a big boys bed, he was at the point that he could almost climb out of the crib and felt this to be a bigger problem then the sleep and hoped that maybe he would feel more empowered to sleep on his own. This has backfired with Zach waking up, and walking into our room where he is rewarded by being picked up and placed between Jodi and I. The end result is sleep for all of us. This has become so common that Zachary relies on it and it really needs to stop, but it seems neither Jodi or I have the mental fortitude to do the right thing.

What we need is a new plan. Zachary needs to learn to go to bed without us in the room, which I believe will also trigger him to learn how to self soothe when he goes from NREM to REM and back again during the night. It is a clinical fact that children (and adults) go into a sleep cycle where a child goes into REM sleep after about 90 minutes of NREM sleep. Occasionally the child will pop out of rem, and re-start the cycle. Most kids wake up when leaving REM and must learn to close their eyes and go to sleep again. Zachary just wakes and screams, getting himself more worked up until one of us cave and go in to rescue him. It usually takes about 10-20 minutes to calm him down and he will eventually fall asleep only to wake up an hour later and come to our room.

So the new plan is simple: put him to bed without the crutch of us sitting in the chair. This is going to be hard on Jodi and myself because we don’t want him to cry and throw a tantrum, we also have to put a gate on his door so he can’t just get out of bed and walk into the playroom or our room. We have to gain the mental fortitude to force him to get past the crying and screaming, get back into his own bed and go to sleep. When he wakes up, we need to let him cry himself to sleep which means still more mental toughness on our parts to not cave in. I figure if we actually stick to our guns this problem will be solved in a few days.

Truth be told I am at wits end. I blame myself, and I blame Jodi for this behavior. What was cute at first has turned into a giant nightmare. Our doctors are not helping because they provide the feedback saying it is ok to let him sleep in our bed. I think this is a load of crap and wish they would provide more help to us in this situation. Right now my wife just passed the computer room with Zachary in hand trying to put him down to bed again. What a nightmare.

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

My wife and I have been thinking about getting Eli a Apple iTouch for the holidays. He is always playing Tiny Towers, Angry Birds or Words with Friends on our phones and tablets that it is getting a little annoying. The problem is simple, he is not the most responsible kid on the planet and like most kids his age would simply fling the device on the table or floor when something else catches his eye. In other words, is six years old to young to have such an expensive “toy”.

Eli is extremely smart, even with his development issues. He loves music, sings all the time (He loves Brittney Spears, Adele, Lady GaGa etc) and we enjoy the fact that part of his education is via music. So having an iTouch is a natural progression of him having his own identity, his own music, his own apps etc. I want him to have it, although I don’t want it to overwhelm him. As most of you know any child who has developmental issues such as being on the spectrum of Autism can result in objects becoming a crutch and a mandatory part of the childs existence. Eli loves to make up games associated with the toy of the day, so in this case he loves to lay in bed and ask me ” Dad…what is on the fourteenth floor in Tiny Towers. The abbreviation is IA. I am supposed to guess Izzy Apartments and god forbid I get it wrong (his photographic memory allows him to remember what floor is what, what product is being sold etc).

Half the fun for me is changing the colors of the floors in the Tiny Towers game to see if he notices, which of course he does. Today we had a Tiny Towers blip where I lost a few floors, plenty of people, money and gold coins. Enough to throw Eli for a loop, a temper tantrum an a possible meltdown. Although they are becoming few and far between, his addiction to this game is going to result in an issue with the blip. I wrote support for the game telling them what happened but I am not sure they will respond in time.

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

Eli was named the Student of the Month at his school today. What an awesome thing to see a developmentally challenged child overcome his issues and excel in school. He is so far ahead of many of the kids in reading, writing, math and science and his social skills are developing at a much faster clip. We find him playing games with other kids, maintaining and even temper and enjoying playing instead of just trying to win.

This is translating well at home when Eli plays UNO against me. He always wins, but on the occasion when he loses he congratulates me instead of getting upset. I love watching this boy grow up.

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

Eli’s diagnosis and EIP was removed midway through Kindergarten, but issues still remain. The school system believes Eli is fine because his disability does not negatively affect his abilities as a student in school. Now that Eli is in first grade he is doing a fantastic job but the stim and social issues continue. Clearly Eli still needs help so we are about to take on the school district and try to get him additional help that was stripped from him going into first grade.

Our goal is to have him tested again to see if he is classified with Aspergers Syndrome. Eli fits the bill with all the classic symptoms and he is now old enough for that diagnosis (six is the earliest a child can be diagnosed accurately with Asbergers). Our goal is if there is help he can receive, then we want that help. It is all about his future. We want the best for him.

I will let you know what happens.

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

Eli and I were rough housing on the sofa and I asked him to stop and go potty and brush his teeth. Of course he argued and tried to make some kid threats of never playing with me again and I told him that I was ok with it. He stomped off, went into the bathroom and closed the door (he never closes the door), and then he locked it (bad choice…we have rules against that). So I stood outside the door listening thinking he was going to be devious and not actually brush his teeth.

He mumbled about how I was mean and then went potty and brushed his teeth. Because the door was closed and locked I took the stance of a scary monster and waited for the door to be unlocked and opened and then I scared the living shit out of him. He screamed, did a funky crazy I am scared as can be dance and then started yelling at me. I turned around and ran laughing! He chased me and then sat me down and lectured me for five minutes about how he didn’t like that I scared him, it was not nice and he didn’t want me to do it again.

I of course took the lecture well and laughed internally wishing I had caught it on tape. The good thing, is that he communicated his feelings to me in a proper manner. He has come so far since being diagnosed and declassified. His maturity level over the last few months is amazing. Six going on 12.

(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...

Just wanted to wish Eli a very happy 6th Birthday!

My little man, one day you will read this blog and think your dad was a pretty crazy guy. I spent the last hour or so looking at your baby pictures and wondering where the time went. I remember holding you just minutes after you were born and realizing that you were the most important person in my life. I have watched you grow, explore your surroundings and overcome unbelievable obstacles. You are as smart as they come, caring beyond belief and have a sense of humor that rivals anyone I know.

I hope when you read this, that you will realize that your parents love you. We are so very proud of who you are and what you have become. You are only six but it already feels that you are growing into a young man. I see the good in you and know that no matter what happens, you will be successful. But for now, you better start cleaning your room, doing your chores and listening better or I may not let you live until you are seven.

Just kidding buddy. I love you. Happy Birthday!

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...