Raising Eli & Zachary

Have you ever had one of those moments where you look at your child and ask yourself, “Self….where did they learn this crap?” . I had one of those moments today when my son came up to me and asked me to buy h im some Pokemon cards. I immediately asked him to repeat the request because I was confused….wasn’t pokemon popular like five or six years ago and why would a five year old kid want something like this anyway. Then it hit me, his cousin probably has Pokemon stuff, showed it to him and well the rest is down hill from there.

So I don’t know anything about Pokeman other than it is probably expensive and a complete waste of money so when I came home from yet another brutal day at work I was approached by my child who was foaming at the mouth in excitement that he was the proud owner of 13 Pokemon cards and he was going to explain each character, their special moves and talents and I was so lucky because he had a duplicate of one card and I was going to be the proud owner of it!

So excitedly I sat down, in my suit and did my dad thing, which if you have not guessed, is to show extreme interest in everything they do because, well I am interested in everything he does, and because he was just so happy I had to sit through a five minute explanation of each card….12 times. At the end, I pretty much knew absolutely nothing about Pokemon, other than each character has hit points, abilities and no matter what card I had I was never going to defeat his guy in battle. Why? Because I am too old to understand the magic behind the game. Thanks kid.

The only thing it did do is give me the chance to understand what I can give him as a reward. A pack of cards is relatively cheap, much cheaper than the mustang convertible he wants when he is old enough to drive. So I will go out this weekend, buy a box of the packs of cards and use them as a reward, for each week he does not whine, beat up his little brother, fib or fail to do his chores (help mommy and daddy when they ask and help keep his play room clean) he will get a pack of cards. Awesome deal, considering his last reward was Bokugon characters which by the way, are horrible toys with a cool concept.

So tonight after getting home from my Masonic lodge meeting, I went into his room to kiss him goodnight and saw that he was holding ever so gently his pack of cards. I took them gently out of his hand, put them on his stand and gave him a kiss. I think he was having a pokemon dream because a smile was on his face. I snugged him in, realized that being a dad is awesome (a realization I have often) and went about getting out of my suit, writing a few emails and getting ready for bed.

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Parents, it is okay to be mad at your kids, and it is perfectly acceptable to let them know it. Before you flame me with negative comments hear me out.

Disappointment and Anger are natural parts of life and can be a valuable tool in teaching proper behavior. Let me tell you, when I was a kid nothing scared me more than disappointing my parents. I never worried about being hit, being smacked, or even being yelled at. Simply seeing my dad look at me with hurt and shame was enough to set me straight. It is a deterrent that works and unless taken to extremes will not hurt your child.

Take for example last night. My son and I were laying in his bed playing the astronomy quiz game. “Eli, this planet has a volcano named Olympus Mons, has a giant canyon bigger than the grand canyon and has polar ice caps”…what is it? WHAM, suddenly Eli kicks me in the mouth and yells pow and I am not bleeding out of two cut lips and blood is running down my chin.

My reaction was simple, I had warned Eli a dozen times before that he can’t kick. I had also warned him two times that he needed to calm down before he kicked me. I jumped up, yelled at him and reminded him that I had asked him nicely to stop multiple times and now I was hurt. He started to cry and I stormed out of the room, went into the bathroom and washed my mouth out with water. I have to gashes in my lips, both on the inside of my mouth on the right side. I left Eli in bed crying. He had said he was sorry, but sorry was not enough this time, at least, not at that moment.

I was mad, and when Jodi asked what happened I was more than mad, I went into my office, kicked the garbage can over and yelled how this was all all to common occurrence lately and I was sick of being kicked in the face. I was really mad, and Eli knew it. He knew I was disappointed and mad. Eli didn’t come out and apologize instead fell asleep after whimpering awhile, the entire time I was hoping he was thinking about what he had done. I told him, Daddy does not hurt you, doesn’t kick you or punch you, so why do you do that to daddy? To Eli, he is playing and mimicking the crap he sees on TV and from his friends. He was playing and it got out of hand.

I know I shouldn’t have gotten mad, I think it was a combination of being kicked in the nose the last two nights, punched in the balls and the ultimate wake up call of having your kid jump on your chest when you are fast asleep, having his knees land solidly on your chest. Enough was enough. Simply telling him and explaining to him isn’t working. Being calm and collected doesn’t change the behavior. Constantly reminding him and asking him to cut it out and to stop isn’t achieving anything but frustrating me.

So maybe it is time that I yelled and scolded him. Maybe it was time for him to see me upset. Maybe I should punish him by taking away the computer or television today. All I know is that I felt guilty I yelled, but I don’t fully regret it. I am still upset, my mouth is still cut up and I still have not had him say he was sorry and offer to amend the situation. Maybe that is proof that I am wrong and that yelling and showing that I was angry was wrong, but we will wait and see. I am sure, by his behavior towards me this morning that he is concerned.

Anway, I am always willing to hear other points on this.

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It has been an amazing 10 months and I can’t begin to say how much I adore being a dad. I have to be honest, I always questioned if you could love a second child as much as the first, always worrying that I just didn’t have anything more to give, but what I have found over the last ten months is I have a ton more to give, and each day the amount increases. My wife, who probably wants a third is going to read this and I am going to say this only one time…no way….knowing our luck we would have twins.

So what is going on in our house? Well the job turmoil has reached an all time high and I fear for my job each day. I don’t see eye to eye with my direct manager, his supervisor or the direction the company is heading in at all. Constant layoffs, removal of benefits, no raises for years and a joke of a bonus structure equates to everyone in the department being disgruntled. There is such a lack of respect for the workers and everyone is feeling it. It has become petty and nasty.

On a brighter note, my house was invaded tonight by my nephew so it turns out Eli is having a sleepover. Watching them laugh and play together is very rewarding, but at the same time makes me glad we are only having two kids. I just gave them the 10 minute until sleep warning. I wonder how many more warnings they will need before they actually go to sleep.

Zach is crawling and cruising, he is eating only real human food and rejects baby food and is already drinking from a straw. We think getting him off the bottle is going to be easy and did I mention that he is an eater? We are going to have to watch this one and make sure he does not get fat, it already looks like his is going to be short like his mother.

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I like to ride, nothing competitive and frankly I have been really lazy so far, but I still consider myself a fan of the sport and I have this to say:

I am not sure if Armstrong ever used drugs in his cycling career. I don’t care. I don’t care because his days racing are long gone, and hopefully he will disappear from view and we will never have to worry about the sport being tarnished by accusations and fighting between riders and teams. I long for a day where people race clean, and the sportsmanship returns. When was the last time you actually saw any sportsmanship in cycling?

I only have one request. Now that I say goodbye to Lance, can you please take Landis with you? Can you take him and make him disappear forever. Nothing would make me happier than these two losers disappearing from the news forever. It is even hard for me now to think of Armstrong as a champion to cancer patients…..I just see him one step above Landis (pond scum).

So I propose a toast, to the removal of Armstrong and Landis from the world of cycling forever. May you both find harmony in doing something else but ruining the fans and general public’s view of cycling.

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Zach is crawling. It took him 9 months to figure out but he is now mobile. Where most parents dread this stage of child development, I adore it. Nothing is more spectacular in my mind then watching a babies face when they figure out how to get across the room on their own.

Of course this leads to issues, such as making sure the house is baby proofed and is clean all of the time. You can’t drop anything and not pick it up, even by accident. Everything is accessible, and everything ends up in the mouth.

Having gone through this before I was thinking about how parents struggle with the time frame it takes for a child to crawl. If you are one of them, don’t worry. I know you have heard this before, but seriously, your child will crawl when he/she is ready, but there are things you can do.

Encourage them to be mobile by putting them on the floor more. A child that is held all of the time has no opportunity to crawl. Matter of fact, a child that is held all of the time has no opportunity to do anything but be spoiled into thinking that being held is the norm. Eventually, the baby will cry all of the time just trying to get in your arms. It is like making sure everything is ultra quiet when the baby goes to sleep, no way folks, noise is a good thing and the baby should get used to going to sleep in a normal noise situation.

Another easy thing is to put items of interest just outside their reach. If they want that item, they will figure out a way to get to it.

Most importantly, show them how to crawl, nothing wrong with putting them into the position and demonstrating how crawling works. Think that is crazy? Have you ever stuck out your tongue and have your child mimic the action? That is how kids learn.

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This guy is one smart cookie. If you are a General in the US military that is facing a no win situation in Afghanistan what would be your exit strategy? Go down in history as the guy who couldn’t command superior American forces to victory in a backwards country, or make a few comments against your commander and chief and resign with full military honors and a teaching job at West Point?

I think this was a tactical, planned, well thought out battle plan by a guy who is smart enough to know right and wrong and understands he is in a no win situation.

Leave with a slap against your record for an interview which you expressed concern about Obama as the commander and chief or the mark of a major loss of life as the commander in a war that there is no clear capability to win.

Congrats McChrystal…job well done. Sad part, you leave behind soldiers who deserved more from their Commander. It might be easy for you to walk away from the war, but the ground pounding hero soldiers don’t get that choice. They will fight on, no matter how hard or impossible the outlook.

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A flood of emotions hit me hard while watching Eli graduate Pre-K this week. Two years ago when Eli was diagnosed with PDD NOS I felt like it was a death sentence. I can’t begin to say how I felt that he would grow up disadvantaged and face a lifetime of hardship. Now, with the efforts of his team, especially Ralph he has blossomed into a kid who can get up on stage, sing songs and do the proper hand gestures and most importantly, have a fun time and be social with his peers.

It is sometimes hard to watch your child grow up and mature. There are times when I look at him and see him as a baby, and other times when I view him as my little man. I am so proud of what has achieved. Ralph said something to me as I was hugging him and crying thank you during the ceremony. He said Eli had it within him all of the time. He was right, but it took a special person to bring it out of him. I can’t say enough about what Ralph has provided Eli. He changed his future, he opened it up.

If you are ever in need of professional services for your autistic child, whether the diagnosis is PDD NOS or Autism and you need the best Special Education Intervention Teacher, give me a call. I know who to recommend. Thanks Ralph, thanks for everything you have done and continue to do. You should feel proud of what you helped Eli conquer.

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