Parents, it is okay to be mad at your kids, and it is perfectly acceptable to let them know it. Before you flame me with negative comments hear me out.
Disappointment and Anger are natural parts of life and can be a valuable tool in teaching proper behavior. Let me tell you, when I was a kid nothing scared me more than disappointing my parents. I never worried about being hit, being smacked, or even being yelled at. Simply seeing my dad look at me with hurt and shame was enough to set me straight. It is a deterrent that works and unless taken to extremes will not hurt your child.
Take for example last night. My son and I were laying in his bed playing the astronomy quiz game. “Eli, this planet has a volcano named Olympus Mons, has a giant canyon bigger than the grand canyon and has polar ice caps”…what is it? WHAM, suddenly Eli kicks me in the mouth and yells pow and I am not bleeding out of two cut lips and blood is running down my chin.
My reaction was simple, I had warned Eli a dozen times before that he can’t kick. I had also warned him two times that he needed to calm down before he kicked me. I jumped up, yelled at him and reminded him that I had asked him nicely to stop multiple times and now I was hurt. He started to cry and I stormed out of the room, went into the bathroom and washed my mouth out with water. I have to gashes in my lips, both on the inside of my mouth on the right side. I left Eli in bed crying. He had said he was sorry, but sorry was not enough this time, at least, not at that moment.
I was mad, and when Jodi asked what happened I was more than mad, I went into my office, kicked the garbage can over and yelled how this was all all to common occurrence lately and I was sick of being kicked in the face. I was really mad, and Eli knew it. He knew I was disappointed and mad. Eli didn’t come out and apologize instead fell asleep after whimpering awhile, the entire time I was hoping he was thinking about what he had done. I told him, Daddy does not hurt you, doesn’t kick you or punch you, so why do you do that to daddy? To Eli, he is playing and mimicking the crap he sees on TV and from his friends. He was playing and it got out of hand.
I know I shouldn’t have gotten mad, I think it was a combination of being kicked in the nose the last two nights, punched in the balls and the ultimate wake up call of having your kid jump on your chest when you are fast asleep, having his knees land solidly on your chest. Enough was enough. Simply telling him and explaining to him isn’t working. Being calm and collected doesn’t change the behavior. Constantly reminding him and asking him to cut it out and to stop isn’t achieving anything but frustrating me.
So maybe it is time that I yelled and scolded him. Maybe it was time for him to see me upset. Maybe I should punish him by taking away the computer or television today. All I know is that I felt guilty I yelled, but I don’t fully regret it. I am still upset, my mouth is still cut up and I still have not had him say he was sorry and offer to amend the situation. Maybe that is proof that I am wrong and that yelling and showing that I was angry was wrong, but we will wait and see. I am sure, by his behavior towards me this morning that he is concerned.
Anway, I am always willing to hear other points on this.