Raising Eli & Zachary + a little Princess

Sitting around the conference room today waiting for IBM to call a group of us men folk were discussing our wives and how they were acting in the last few weeks of the pregnancy. One guy talking about having to rub his wife’s swollen legs, me re-telling the tale of Jodi waking up with the cramp in her calf. This of course, spawns a conversation on how things should be.

Human pregnancy should be just like a bird’s. The female bird goes out, grabs some sticks and twine, and makes a nest. When the nest is all comfortable and secure she jumps in and lays her egg. The mom bird nudges her man bird pointing to the egg and nest and says, “I did all the real work, now go fertilize it and do your part!”

The man bird, grabs a Playrooster magazine and goes into the corner to do his deed all over the egg, of course he is not thinking of wife bird, he is thinking of Megan Fox Bird. A few minutes later, the egg having been fertilized the mom bird wraps the egg in a heating blanket and sets it to the ideal temperature. Every 8-10 hours the mom bird sits on the egg to make it feel loved, rotates the egg, makes sure the nest is kosher and this carries on for 9 months. Suddenly, the egg starts to turn some strange colors and the mom and dad bird hears some cracking. With a little help, the baby is born, and mom and dad go about raising it.

Why can’t it be like that? Aaaah no way..that wouldn’t work because men couldn’t be so lucky. Because mom bird has to CARRY THE EGG with her everywhere she goes, we have to then suffer from the complaints…..being a human sucks…I think I would rather be a bird, except, I think if it worked like that, the mom bird would be laying multiple eggs all around the house and I would have 10-20 kids.

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

With 18 days left before Ziggy joins the world as its newest citizen my body clock has started to make the sleep deprivation adjustment. I have been waking up every few hours and sleeping lighter than ever before. I guess my natural instincts are kicking in again because I remember, a long long time ago, before Eli was even a thought in my head that I could sleep through anything. When I hit the pillow, I was out for the count! The only thing that could wake me up was the noxious gas that I would occasionally emit from my ass after some spicy Mexican food.

Since Eli was born, I wake up if the dog farts, and not because of the smell. In short, I am already exhausted and dreaming of a full six hours of sleep with 3 weeks left before I have to be up. I don’t think it is fair, but I think I will look back at this and say thank GOD that I got used to the lack of sleep weeks ago!

Everything looks great, Jodi is doing well, she is complaining more and more lately which is normal, and she is trying to throw the, “I am 9 months pregnant” card ten times a day, which I simply shake my head and remark that she needs to suck it up cupcake (which does not go over well).

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...